


Just in the Happy Minute

by Sysnix



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen, Not Shippy, Parent/Child Incest, Past Child Abuse, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-01 05:56:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5194706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sysnix/pseuds/Sysnix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the ep, The Initiative but before going to Buffy for help, Spike gets brutally attacked and Willow finds him afterward and offers the cold blooded killer something that might change him more than the attack itself... compassion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Holy water squirt gun in hand, Willow crept through the Sunnydale streets after dark swiftly and on the balls of her feet. The dorm was still cleared out from the supposed prank by a frat house. Willow knew better, it had been the Initiative. So she was making her way to her parents house from Giles'. Buffy had been held up by the demon of the week, and Xander and Anya hadn't known that would happen before they left. And Giles could barely keep his eyes open, so Willow was stuck at the Watcher's for the night or she would make her own way home. 

As she passed the tire store, she heard a pain filled groan from the alley next to it. It was masculine and familiar in way that also wasn't. She paused at the mouth of the alley and shined her flashlight at the figure on the ground several feet ahead. Their clothes were ripped to shreds, and they moaned again. She could see the blood coating his body, several deep gashes were still bleeding. A shock of platinum blond hair told her who it was. She worried that this was a trap for five seconds before remembering that he couldn't hurt her. Or at least not much.

When she saw the blood on the backs of his thighs and butt cheeks, it made the decision for her. Her coat was long, even if it was decidedly girly, but she took it off and wrapped it around him. 

Neither of them spoke a word until she invited him into her parents' house. And then in more silence she set herself to cleaning and bandaging his injuries. When she pierced the top of her forearm and offered it to him, he finally spoke, "Why?"

"Because if you heal faster physically, you might heal faster emotionally. I hope." 

He took her arm with ginger fingers and pressed his lips to the cut, taking as little as his wounds would allow. When he was done he dropped her arm like it was made of crosses. "I deserved this. I've done worse than this, and it's right that I get it back this way."

Willow sat on the edge of the bathtub while he sat on the closed toilet more on his hip. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." Spike shook his head and refused to look at her. "I'd greet the sun if I didn't think I'd get worse in hell." 

"I'll make up the guest bedroom, get you something to wear, and if you want me to, I can sit with you for as long as you need." She didn't comment on the tears trailing down his cheeks. 

Now wearing a pair of gray sweats and a white t-shirt Xander had left at Willow's, Spike lay on his side in the guest bedroom. Willow sat in the rocking chair like a silentcitadel. They stayed like that for the entire night and most of the day. She fell asleep sitting there shortly after he drifted off. 

When she woke up, he was staring into space. Her stomach growled. "I have to eat something. Which means a trip to the store or ordering pizza. But I have to get you blood anyway, so I'm thinking store. Is there anything I can get you?" 

Spike shook his head slightly, and she nodded. "I'll be right back." 

Before she got to the door, he said, "I don't need your pity." 

She glanced at him over her shoulder. "Compassion isn't the same thing. I won't be long."

While she'd normally avoid them, a big box store was her best bet. Spike needed new clothes and not just blood. His clothes were unwearable. She kept it simple, a couple pair of black jeans and t-shirts, and a package of boxers and another of briefs just in case. At least his boots weren't destroyed too. When she had all the stuff for him and enough food for herself for a week, she checked out. Next stop the butcher's. 

As she pulled into the driveway she noticed that the living room window was covered and same with the dining room. It took two trips for her to get her bags into the house, but Spike was there and without a word started putting stuff away. Not all of it in the right places, but she assumed he felt the need to be helpful. This appeared to be a gesture of gratitude. 

His reaction to the containers of blood was to touch them awkwardly before shoving them in the fridge. When all that remained were the clothes and a bunch of empty plastic bags on the floor, he spoke up. "Who lives here?"

"For the next six months, just me. You're welcome to stay as long as you need. If my parents come back when they said they would, we'll deal with it then, but half the time they don't make it home anymore." She picked up the bags and put them in a single bag slung on the back door knob. 

"Will you be here or at the dorm?" 

"Where would you like me to be?" 

Instead of answering, he looked into the bags with the clothes and saw that she had bought him cigarettes, a lighter, and an ashtray. He packed the cigarettes against the heel of his hand before opening it and lighting one. It felt marvelous to have his lungs full of smoke. He noticed her wrinkle her nose for a second but she said nothing. 

He ran a hand through his hair, and heard one man's voices in his head, "Such pretty hair." The man's eyes and cruel smile flashed in his mind, and Spike, cigarette dangling from his lips searched the cupboards for scissors. When he found them, Willow took them off him gently. "I have clippers upstairs."

Spike gulped some air and nodded at her before following her up to the bathroom once more. He sat on the edge of the tub while she sheared his hair off, touching him as little as possible, respecting his space. 

"You should take a shower." She unplugged the clippers and used a hand broom and pan to sweep his hair off the floor. "Do you want the clothes I bought you today or more sweats?" 

"I just want to sleep." 

"Then I'll get you more sweats." He was still standing in the middle of the bathroom when she returned with more of Xander's sweats and another t-shirt. She set them on the toilet with a bath sheet, washcloth and the bag that had boxers and briefs in it. "If you need me, I'll be in the kitchen." 

"I don't need a damn thing." 

"That's OK too." She closed the door behind her as she left. 

When he knew she was out of earshot, he broke down in gut wrenching sobs.


	2. Chapter 2

The shower was still running two hours later, and Willow was getting worried. She laughed at herself. Worried about Spike? He tried to kill her last week. But that was nothing compared to what he was going through right now. And she'd heard him when he said he'd done worse to others. She also heard him say he deserved this. Whether he deserved it was a debate she would not entertain. It made no difference. He was in pain, and what came next was more important than what came before. This wasn't redemption, but it could be a fresh start. If he wanted. 

When the water turned off finally, she listened to the floorboards creak as he walked across them. He was in her room now and she feared he was looking for a stake and ran to stop him. When she found him, he had an empty jar of holy water in one hand and a blood-covered knife in the other. His back was facing her but she could see the blood dripping onto the shoulder of the white t-shirt. Careful not to touch him, she circled to see that he'd cut deep into his face, marring one of his eyes. 

He looked at her with his good eye and laughed maniacally. "No one will want me now."

She grabbed the closest thing to her, an old button down of hers, and pressed it against the wound. "Sit down. Let me clean you up." 

Spike sat and stared at nothing while she got a first aid kit from under her bed. He didn't flinch when she sutured his face closed. But when she was finished he grabbed her wrist and squeezed until pain lanced through both of them. She didn't rebuke him. 

His vision cleared from the headache, and he studied Willow as she sat on the floor in front of him. "Who was it? Do you even know?"

"My uncle."

"When?"

"I was six when it started." 

"I may never have been that much of a monster, but I've done more than my share of damage, so why are you helping me?" 

"I didn't have to think about it. And I won't. But don't press me for a reason because I don't have a good one." She stood up after putting her kit away. "Though I would appreciate it if you stayed out of my room." 

He absorbed what she said and took in his surroundings. The room was comfortable and lived in. Smelled like her, lost innocence and magic, and it soothed him. "I like it in here. It's nice."

With a sigh, she said, "Fine. You can stay in here, but don't go through my drawers or anything."

"Promise." 

"Do you need some blood?"

"No." He slid up her bed and rested the good side of his face on her pillow while she sat at her desk and opened her laptop. Her clicking away at the keys was the last thing he was aware of before falling into a fitful sleep. 

There was a mug of blood on the nightstand when he woke up, but he ignored it. It was the middle of the night and Willow was asleep on the floor next to the bed. Not wanting her to be uncomfortable, he picked her up and put her in her bed. It was large enough that his laying next to her didn't crowd them. He fell back asleep with his back to her. 

When Willow woke up in the bed next to Spike, it was because he was screaming. She didn't touch him, but kept calling his name and telling him to wake up. "It's a nightmare." 

His arm shot out and clocked her in the jaw, but the force behind it was frantic and weak. When he stopped screaming he grabbed her shoulders and buried his head in the crook of her neck. She shifted their position, so she was holding him, rocking him as he cried. Her fingers combed over the stubble on his scalp and down the back of his neck. 

Over his head she could see that he hadn't touched the blood she'd left for him. Suddenly she fell back as he pushed her away. The tumble to the floor wasn't much, but he was gone by the time she righted herself. She found him standing in threshold of the front door, like he wanted to escape but was too afraid to go outside. 

Birds were chirping, and Willow knew dawn was close. She slipped her hand into his and tugged him back into the house. He didn't protest. 

Once the door was closed, he leaned against it and slid to the floor. She sat next to him, waiting for him to decide what he needed. "Get this chip out of my head and I'll kill your uncle for you." 

"Don't tempt me." 

"I keep expecting to wake up and this was all a nightmare, but I wake up and I know it happened. It happened to me. Me! Spike. William the Bloody. I'm helpless and anyone can hurt me. I've never known that feeling before. Not even when I was alive and people hurt me all the time." He sniffed. 

"I fake my way through life. I know everyone can hurt me. I'm not a fighter, and I feel like everyone knows that. So I try to pretend like it doesn't bother me. Lots of large smiles and bright clothes. When really I want to wear dark colors and hide from the world." She crossed her ankles with her hands clasped in her lap. "I'm not suggesting that you do what I do. I'm just saying." 

"I need a fag." 

"Huh?"

"A smoke." 

"Oh. You left them in the kitchen." 

"How upset are your parents going to be that I was smoking in their house?" 

"It would help if you kept it to the basement." Willow avoided the question because she didn't know the answer. She'd barely seen her parents since her mother tried to burn her at the stake. 

"That the door over there?" He pointed to the door to the left of the kitchen's.

"Yeah." She followed him to the kitchen then down to the basement.

"You don't have to be with me every second, ya know." He lit his cigarette as she lifted herself onto the washing machine. 

"Last time I left you alone, you sliced your face open with a holy water coated knife just to make sure it would never heal right. You're stuck with me for the foreseeable future."

He shrugged and rolled his eye, but she could tell it was nothing more than bravado. "Whatever." 

They spent the morning in silence, her following him around the house and finding something to do wherever he was that moment. It was early afternoon when the doorbell rang and they were in the basement again. 

"Slayer." 

"Oh. Give me a minute and I'll get rid of her." Willow hopped off the dryer and trotted up the stairs. Buffy was banging on the door now and almost hit Willow when she opened it. She blocked Buffy from entering. "Hi, Buffy."

"Willow. You weren't in class today and I got worried. What's wrong?" Buffy sniffed the air. "And why does your house smell like smoke?" 

"I have a friend over. They're going through a rough patch right now. I'm being supporto girl." Willow smiled faintly. "I should get back to them." 

"What friend?" Buffy asked. "Do I know them?"

"In a way, but trust me they don't want any more company right now, so I need you to leave. I'll call you though." Willow tried to close the door.

Buffy stopped the motion though. "Why do I sense a vampire?" 

Willow set her face as stern as she could. "Buffy, I'm fine. I promise. There's no need for slaying, and I still say you need to leave."

"What friend of yours is a vampire?" Buffy frowned. "Is it Angel?" 

"No. Buffy. Leave." 

"Can't." Buffy shoved her way past Willow and to retaliate Willow said, "Thicken," stopping Buffy in her tracks.

"Buffy. Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do." 

"Then leave." 

"Willow, I'm worried about you." 

Willow grabbed Buffy by the wrist and dragged her back to the door. "And I can take care of myself. Now go. I shouldn't leave them alone too long." 

Buffy's face expressed deep concern. "Tell me what's going on, please." 

"It's not my story to tell." Willow then closed the door on Buffy and returned to the basement. 

"You know she's not gone for good, right?" Spike asked as he butted out his smoke. 

"I know but I'll deal with her again then. Meanwhile I need to find a good story to feed her." 

"Surprised you didn't tell her the truth. That woulda shut her up." He lit another cigarette.

"Do you want me to tell her?" Willow asked with an arched brow.

"Gods, no."

"Then I'm not going to tell her the truth. I'll think of something." Willow sat on the floor across from Spike. "In the meantime, I have it on good authority that you play poker. And I have a deck of cards." 

"Shuffle and deal, Red." He was glad to have something to distract him.


	3. Chapter 3

The vase missed Willow's head by mere inches before it shattered into the mirror above the mantel in the living room. She cringed at the noise but knew Spike didn't want to hurt her or his head would've been exploding right about now. 

"I can't go on like this!" The veins in his neck popped out as he shouted, spit flying from his lips. "I'm less than nothing! Why won't you kill me already?"

"Do you really want me to?" she asked voice calm. 

Spike deflated. "No."

"What I will do is get you the vacuum so you can clean your mess up." She got the vacuum and a box out of the hall closet and handed them to him. "I'm not going to do it, and if you expect to continue staying here, you're going to."

He dropped the box on the floor and sank to his knees. The large pieces were picked out of the wreckage and tossed into the box. When the pieces were too small to be picked up by hand he used the vacuum. He cleaned off the mantel and took the frame down. "I'm sorry, Red."

"You can make it up to me by drinking some blood." When he shook his head, she touched his shoulder. "Please, Spike. You haven't touched a drop since I fed you that first night. That was a week ago. You have to eat something." 

"It's sticky." 

"Oh. Well, is there something we can add to it to make it easier for you to drink? Water it down, or thicken it up?" 

"Got any booze?" 

"Alcohol won't solve your problems but for now, you can have what's in the liquor cabinet in my father's study." If it meant that he would eat something she'd let him drown his despair tonight.

"They say you should never drink alone." Spike said as he disappeared into Ira's study. "Where's the key?"

"Top right drawer of his desk." She leaned in the doorway and watched as Spike got the key and opened the cabinet. He pulled out several bottles and settled on her father's oldest scotch. At this point she'd let him do anything if it meant that he'd feed himself. He was turning into a walking skeleton and with the bad eye and huge gash still across his face it was getting creepy. 

He was putting the other bottles back when he stopped and pulled out an old scrapbook. It had a picture of her as a small child in an oval in the front, wearing nothing more than a pair of underwear. Recognizing it, she grabbed it out of his hands before he got past the first page. She'd thought her father had burned this. He'd promised he had. Tears stung her eyes as she took the album into the living room and threw it into the fireplace and set it ablaze. She was sitting in front of the acrid smelling fire when Spike handed her a glass of scotch. 

"Wasn't your uncle was it?" He sat next to her with his own glass of half scotch, half blood.

"It was both." She sniffed before gulping a mouthful of liquor that burned down her throat soothingly. He tried to put an arm around her but she shrugged it off. "Don't."

"Got it."

They sat next to each other and watched the flames die. She rustled the ashes to find unburnt photos and set it aflame again. An hour later they'd gone through the scotch and started the bourbon, and the album was nothing more than charcoal and ashes. 

Hours later they were both passed out on the living room floor. 

The birds chirping woke Willow up with a hangover the likes of which she'd never had before. Her groan woke up Spike, who was also suffering a headache. His mouth tasted like vomit, and he drank down what was left in his glass to wash the taste away. "Want breakfast?"

"I never want to look at food ever again," she whined as she pushed herself up. "But I should eat. I should also drink several gallons of water." 

"Looking to get stoned?" 

"Not literal gallons." 

"I was teasing." He twisted to his feet and disappeared into the kitchen to make her breakfast. 

She followed and poured herself a glassful of tepid water. She downed half of it, took a breath, finished the glass and filled it again. "I'm never drinking again."

"We all say that. Never happens." He whisked some eggs together while the butter melted in the skillet. He poured the eggs into the skillet and they sizzled as the edges solidified. The heat was too high, so he turned it down. Stupid electric stove, couldn't tell how hot they were like he could a gas stove. 

Willow switched things up and poured herself a small glass of cranberry juice. An idea occurred to her, and she poured some blood in another glass and topped it off with the juice. She handed it to him and he was able to down it in one swallow. 

"Thanks." 

"Sure." 

"Does it ever get easier?" he asked as he stirred the eggs as they gelled.

"Easier? Yes, but it'll always have happened. No way to change that." She put some bread in the toaster. 

"How did you do it?"

"I got too old for them. They stopped paying attention to me then actively avoided me. Distance and time took care of the rest." 

"Did you ever tell anyone?" 

"No. Well, just you." 

"Didn't tell your mum?" He was surprised by that.

"She knew. Or I think she did. But she let it happen, so I never brought it up with her." 

"Would it have been easier if it had been strangers?" He scraped the eggs onto a plate and put it in front of her before turning toward the toast and buttering it.

"I'll never know." She picked at the eggs and smiled weakly at him when he put the toast next to her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He sat across from her. "Shouldn't you make your daily call to the Slayer?" 

"Later when my head hurts less. Can't handle the questions right now." Willow chewed on a bite of toast before swallowing and saying, "I should turn my classwork in. My professors have been super understanding of my personal emergency."

"That you lied about."

"Not entirely. But as I was saying, I shouldn't push their compassion too far. It's bound to run out at some point." 

"You said you were brutally mugged, how is that not a total tall tale?" 

"You were brutally attacked, and I've been through something similar. No one needs to know the nature of the attack and saying that your attack was mine lets me keep you company so you don't do anything stupid like try to take your other eye out." 

"And somehow to you that makes sense?" 

She nodded and stuffed a forkful of eggs in her mouth. 

"I don't want you getting in trouble because of me." 

"It'll be fine." 

"Ever missed a single class before in your life?" he asked as he swiped a piece of her toast. 

"No. But there are some things that are more important." 

"And a vampire with post traumatic stress is one of those?" 

"Look, Spike, if you want, I'll go back to my classes and leave you here by yourself all day four days a week. But you have to promise I'm not going to find a pile of dust as all that's left of you." 

"Why do you even care? I've tried to kill you, how many times now?" 

"Do you want me to kick you out?" 

"No. Just trying to understand is all." 

She pushed her plate away and rested her arms on the table, meeting his gaze. "When I saw you in that alley, it didn't take much to figure out what happened to you. And while you did try to kill me, at least three times now, you also backed off when I told you there'd be no having of any kind when you kidnapped me for that love spell. Given my history is it a big surprise that it meant a lot to me that you listened to that request?"

"You're helping me because I didn't rape you when I had the chance?" 

"Yes. Now can I finish my breakfast?" She pulled her plate back in front of her when he nodded absently. 

"I'm going downstairs for a smoke."


	4. Chapter 4

"Now piercèd is her virgin zone; She feels the foe within it. She hears a broken amorous groan, The panting lover's fainting moan, Just in the happy minute." Spike mused as he drank more alcoholic blood, sitting in the dank basement with Willow. "Used to love that poem." 

"I'm familiar with it. Can't say I ever liked it." She piled her cigarettes in front of her. They weren't for smoking but were her gambling chips when they played poker. 

Spike snorted. "No wonder."

"Can we play again? I'm winning since I stopped letting you cheat." 

"Can't believe you caught me cheating. My already tattered reputation is gone." He picked up the cards while he lipped his smoke and shuffled. "Let's bet with something more your speed."

"Like what?"

"Stories. Just the good ones. We need to smile more." He dealt swiftly.

Willow looked at her cards and cleared her throat when she saw him try to trade a card out of turn. "Fine, stories. I'll throw in two stories about Xander and Jesse."

Spike threw away a couple cards and took two off the top. "I'll bet a story about my mum, and another about Drusilla to see you, and I'll raise you a story about the slayer."

"Which one?"

"Buffy."

"Oh, well, that's intriguing. Think you got something I don't already know?" She smiled. "I'll see you with a story about Buffy too." 

He laid his cards down and had two pairs. She sucked air through the side of her mouth. "Sorry, full house." 

"Damn." He snapped his fingers in an exaggerated fashion. "OK, I'll start with Dru. We used to spend winters in Alaska or north like that somewhere when the night lasted for days. The trouble is that there's not much to eat. Can't kill too many locals or you get run out of town and we liked being out for what would normally be day hours. So we used to go after walruses as a food source. You would have fallen over in tears of laughter watching Drusilla dive on one of those things."

Willow smiled brightly, but it dimmed when she saw how his smile was wistful and sad. "What about your mom?" 

"She used to sing to me. Early One Morning was the tune. I'd sit at her feet and listen to her and all my worries would slip away." This smile while still wistful had a bright edge to it. 

"Can you sing it to me? I don't think I know it." 

He cleared his throat. "Early one morning just as the sun was rising, I heard a young maid sing in the valley below. Oh, don't deceive me, Oh, never leave me, How could you use A poor maiden so? Remember the vows that you made to me truly, Remember how tenderly you nestled close to me. Gay is the garland fresh are the roses I've culled from the garden to bind over thee. Here I now wander alone as I wonder Why did you leave me to sigh and complain. I ask of the roses why should I be forsaken Why must I here in sorrow remain? Through yonder grove by the spring that is running, There you and I have so merrily played, Kissing and courting and gently sporting, Oh, my innocent heart you've betrayed. Soon you will meet with another pretty maiden, Some pretty maiden, you'll court her for a while. Thus ever ranging turning and changing, Always seeking for a girl that is new. Thus sung the maiden, her sorrows bewailing Thus sung the maid in the valley below Oh, don't deceive me, Oh, never leave me, How could you use A poor maiden so?"

"That's so sad. But you have a beautiful voice. Sing me something happier." 

Cards forgotten, Spike spent the rest of the evening singing every song he remembered all the words for. At some point, Willow rested her head on his thigh as he crooned her to sleep despite the chill of the basement floor. 

Tomorrow she'd be in classes again. She'd cut her cheek deep enough to need butterfly bandages and wrapped her wrist in an unneeded ace bandage to sell her story. But the backlash was that Buffy and the rest of the Scoobies wanted to know why she was going to such lengths to help a vampire that she wouldn't name. It was only a matter of time before one of them came over when they knew she wouldn't be here. He hoped the locked doors would keep them out, but he worried. 

And the next afternoon, his worries bloomed into reality as Xander and Buffy let themselves into the house. He was in the basement chain smoking the day away, waiting for Willow to come home and brush out the dark thoughts that gathered while she wasn't home. 

He had nowhere to hide, and they'd try the basement first, he knew that much. So he waited and knew that a stake would be in his immediate future. He felt bad that it would hurt Red. They'd become close these last few weeks. He'd do anything for her. 

"Hello?" Buffy called down as her foot landed on the first step. 

Spike remained silent, smoking his cigarette and trying to savor it as it would be his last. Her heels clacked on the wooden stairs and Xander's sneakers were soft thuds. Smoke got in his eye and he squinted through it. When Buffy was down the stairs far enough to see him, her squeak was almost amusing. "Spike! You're who Willow's been helping?"

"What happened to your face?" Xander asked. 

"Cut myself." He almost said he cut himself shaving, but he choked on fear. He tried to disappear into the oversized sweats he was wearing. If only the floor would swallow him whole. 

"You've got five seconds to explain or I leave nothing but dust behind." Buffy almost snarled the words. 

"They did something to me."

"Something?" 

"Put something in my head. And…" the words died as his throat closed. He was scared to die, but he was afraid to tell the truth too. The conflict shut him down. 

"Spike!" Willow called sounding out of breath. She rushed down to where she knew she'd find him and saw Buffy and Xander hovering over him with stakes in hand. "Stop it! Leave him alone!"

Willow put herself between her friends and Spike who was also a friend now. "Are you OK?" She touched the side of his face. 

He hid his face in her shoulder, still unable to say anything. She turned her head slightly to glare at Buffy and Xander. "Upstair with the two of you. Now." 

"I'm not leaving you here with him. Especially when he's so close to your neck!" Buffy all but stamped her foot with the command. 

"I'm fine." Willow took Spike's hands and drew away from him. "I'm just going upstairs with Buffy and Xander. I'll be back as soon as I can. And I'm sorry. I have to tell them some of it." 

Spike nodded and hid his face in the collar of his sweatshirt. 

Standing in the middle of the living room, Xander asked, "What happened to the big mirror that used to be above the mantel?"

"I broke it." Willow was ready to spit fire she was so pissed with them. "I told you to stay away. I told you that it was none of your business. I told you nothing bad was happening. And you two decided that I was an incompetent child, disrespecting my wishes and coming here to stake a friend of mine."

"I know you're upset…" Buffy started.

"Upset? Upset doesn't even cover it, Buffy. This is none of your business. And did he look like a threat to you? God he's barely eating!" 

"Willow?" Xander said as he peered into her father's study. "It looks like a hurricane blew through your dad's office." 

"Who cares about that bastard. I felt like taking some of my anger out on his shit. Now I want the two of you to get the hell out of my house before I wipe my hands of both of you." Willow arms were crossed tightly over her chest and her frown creased her face with deep resentment. 

"Willow!" Buffy exclaimed when she saw the study, saw the ripped up degrees. "I'm not going anywhere until I get an explanation. That is more than taking out some frustration on your dad's stuff. I know your parents aren't around much, but this? Why does he deserve this?" 

"It's private. Now get the hell out!" 

Buffy asked Xander a question in a whisper and he shook his head, "Her parents never laid a hand on her."

Willow snorted as she stared at the floor. "Look, Spike can't hurt anyone. As in can't lift a finger against a human, now leave."

"What aren't you telling me?" Xander asked touching her elbow. 

"Trust me, Xander. You don't want to know." Tears formed in the corners of her eyes. "Please, go." 

"Oh god," Buffy gasped as she covered her mouth in horror. "Willow, it isn't true, is it?"

"Stop right there." Spike's voice in the doorway had everyone looking at him. "If you've got a problem with me, then that's… I'll deal with that. But you leave her alone." 

Buffy grabbed Xander's wrist and dragged him out of the house. As soon as they were a block away she whispered, "I think Willow's father raped her. And I think someone raped Spike, and that's why she's helping him."

"What's your evidence?"

"Spike's baggy clothes, Willow refusing to tell us what's wrong with him, her reaction to when you said her parents never laid a finger on her, the disaster area that is her dad's office. How she never talks about her parents, and especially not her father. Xander he did something to her, I know it. And if Spike really can't hurt a human being, then it wouldn't be so out there that he'd been through something like that too."

"But Spike's a guy, and he's not exactly in prison." Xander laughed until he caught Buffy's serious face. "You're not kidding."

"No. I'm not." Buffy swallowed her disgust at the prospect that Willow had been raped and molested. "What was she like when she was younger?"

"She's always been a bit nervous, but… no, no way. She would have told me." 

"Would she?"

"Why wouldn't she?" Xander asked aghast at Willow suffering in silence. "Oh my god. All those times she slept over my house. Every time she didn't want to go home. Not even my parents half throwing her down the stairs could get her to leave. I always thought she was worried about me." 

Xander bent over a bush and threw up.


	5. Chapter 5

"I think Buffy figured it out." Willow fell onto the couch. 

"Think so too," Spike agreed. "I only know the bird as an enemy, so please tell me she's got enough couth to not tell anyone your business, our business?"

Willow grimaced. "Few of my friends understand tact. Giles does. At least there's Giles right?" 

Across town in Giles' flat, Buffy and Xander were spilling their guts out to the Watcher about what they believed they'd just discovered. Giles rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "You shouldn't be telling me any of this." 

"But Giles…" Buffy whined. "She's one of ours. We need to help her."

"Did she ask for your help?" 

"No." 

"Did she tell you anything of her own free will?" 

Buffy and Xander gave each other guilty looks. "No." 

"Did you ask her outright if her father molested her?" 

"I tried but then Spike…" 

"Buffy, you need to stop right now." He sighed at her pout. "Willow is your friend, but she is allowed her privacy. She determines who to tell about her private life. And if her father did those things to her, then it's even more important that who she tells be her choice." 

"But he could hurt other girls," Xander said. "What about them?" 

"Are you suggesting Willow open a vein she never has before to save someone else out of some sort of obligation?" Giles shook his head. "Her father travels the entire world over with her mother guest lecturing at universities and businesses. If things are as you assume, then she was little when this happened to her, and he likely doesn't have access to other small children. Not to mention that her parents still pay for her. They pay the taxes and bills at their residence where she is right now, and they pay for her education. They provide her the funds for food and clothes. Should she risk giving all that up? For all you know her mother was in on it. What guarantee would she have that they wouldn't cut her off?" 

"But…"

"But nothing!" Giles had had it. "If you can't respect her wishes, then you shouldn't consider her your friend."

Xander and Buffy left, Xander slamming the door behind him. "How can he say that stuff?"

"He's just looking after Willow the only way he knows how. He's British and they don't like meddling in other people's business." Buffy shook her head. "We need to concentrate on how to help Willow. No mother would sit by and let that happen to their child. Maybe we should call her?"

"I have her number at home." 

The pair sat in Xander's basement apartment, the number of Sheila Rosenberg sitting on the table in front of them. Buffy scrunched her nose. "Maybe Giles was right." 

"I can't believe Mrs. Rosenberg would throw Willow to the wolves like that." Xander picked up the receiver of his phone then put it back. "We have to tell her. She needs to stop her husband. We can't let him hurt anyone else." 

"We don't know anything for sure." Buffy put her hand on his when he picked the phone up again. "We need to talk to Willow first."

"You're supposed to be a hero. How can you sit there and do nothing?" 

Buffy stood up. "I'm going to talk to Willow. Promise me that you won't make any calls until you hear from me." 

"Fine. But you call me as soon as you know something." 

With a nod, Buffy left. As soon as he heard the door close, he picked up the phone and dialed Sheila. 

Standing at the Rosenberg door, Buffy took a few deep breaths before knocking. When Willow opened the door, she tried to smile at her. "Can we talk?" 

Willow said nothing, but she didn't close the door before walking into the house. 

"Where's Spike?" 

"In the basement. He went down there to smoke another pack of cigarettes when he felt you walk up." Willow leaned against the doorframe of the living room. "You wanted to talk, so talk." 

"Did… um… has. Sorry this is really weird. Has your father ever hurt you?" Buffy asked as she sat on the edge of the couch. 

"You really don't understand the words, none of your business, do you?" Willow rolled her eyes. "And I'm betting you told Xander." Off Buffy's guilty look, Willow shook her head. "He'll call my mother."

"He said he wouldn't." Buffy was trying to assure Willow but there was inkling of doubt in the back of her brain. "What would happen if he did call your mother?" 

"Nothing good. Sheila likes to believe she's a progressive feminist when really she lives in a world of psycho jargon babble and daydreams. He'll burst her bubble and I'm guessing that I'll be the one to pay for it." Willow walked alongside the mantel and ran her fingers over the now empty surface. When she faced Buffy, she had her patented overbright smile in place. "It'll be an adventure, getting through life without money. Maybe I'll become an international jewel thief. Or I could take my hacking to the dark place, or hey, there's always stripping. Many a woman has stripped her way through college. And don't they all have daddy issues?" 

"Do you have proof?" Buffy asked trying to help. 

"You mean twelve year old bloody sheets? No, Buffy, I don't have proof. And you know what else I don't have? The law on my side. There's this thing called a statute of limitations. I'm on the wrong side of that even if there was proof." Willow's head snapped up when the phone rang. She glanced at the caller ID and sighed sadly. "Hey, mom." 

Buffy watched Willow as her face creased with more and more pain. She could hear Sheila yelling at Willow. The things Buffy could make out turned her stomach. And Giles was right. They were cutting Willow off. When Willow hung up the phone, Buffy stood up and tried to go to her, but Willow put a hand up. "Don't." 

"What can I do?" 

"You can leave me alone for a while. And make sure you tell Xander exactly what he did and that I'll never forgive him for it." Willow disappeared into the basement and Buffy left looking over her shoulder every few seconds until the house was out of sight. 

"You, OK, pet?" Spike asked when she stepped off the last stair.

"I'll be fine. But I'm going to have to get a job. I have enough savings to get an apartment for about six months, but I'll need an income to keep it. And you are of course welcome to stay with me. Not gonna abandon you, so don't worry about that." She sunk to the floor and picked his cigarette out of his hand, rolled it between her fingers before giving it back. "And as of now, these are your last cigarettes. I won't be able to afford them without my parents paying for things." 

"So what am I supposed to do all day while you're at school?" 

"I don't have enough money to pay for school. I mean I guess I could finish the semester. It's already paid for." She blew her hair out of her face. 

"There's a few things I could do for some dosh." 

"Nothing evil."

"Oh, well then maybe there isn't." 

"What were you going to do?"

"Run a blood bank." At her quizzical look, "A place where vamps can get willing human blood and money. No bodies mean no slayer and no one hassling the vamps to move on." 

"That doesn't sound so evil. Sounds like a good compromise actually. How do we get one started?" 

He raised an eyebrow at her. "You're serious aren't you?"

"I am."

"First, we need to get this chip out of my head. Can't very well run a vamp nest when I can't discipline and keep the vamps in line."

"I've been looking into ways to do that, and I didn't want to say anything until I was sure, but I think I found something. We'd just need to break into the science lab on campus in the middle of the night." Willow frowned. "Are you sure you're up for it? I mean, you haven't been out of the house since it happened." 

"Get the chip out, I should be fine. If I'm not helpless, what's there for me to be afraid of?" 

"Reasonable assumption, but I'd like to prove it before we depend on it. And Spike, can you not kill anyone?" 

His smile was soft. "I wouldn't do that to you. Though if I run into those men again."

"Kill them, but only them."

"That's my girl. Knew you had a good head on your shoulders." The scarred side of his face crinkled as he smiled a full genuine smile.


	6. Chapter 6

"My parents already started official eviction proceedings?" Willow asked the cop giving her paperwork at the door. 

"I'm sorry Miss Rosenberg, but they must have greased a few palms because this says you have thirty days to leave and the chief said not a second longer. There won't be any appeals unless you can afford an attorney." He shrugged at her.

"Thanks for the head's up." Willow looked at the paper in her hand as she closed the door. She read it over three times before wadding it up and throwing it in the trash. "I'm not eating kosher anymore." 

"Finally rebelling against your parents?" Spike asked from the kitchen doorway. 

"You ready? It'll be dark any minute, and if we time things just right, there will be little actual breaking in our breaking and entering." Willow slid the blood pudding in front of him. "At least try this."

"But you can't cook." 

"Please." She batted her eyes and clasped her hands. 

"Fine." It smelled terrible, but he could take a hit for her. He spooned some into his mouth and almost gagged. "I say again: you can't cook. But thank you for trying." 

"I followed the recipe exactly. What did I do wrong?" 

"No idea, but it's inedible." 

"I thought cooking was a science." She frowned as she dumped the food down the garbage disposal.

"It's as much science as it is art. Takes a certain mindset and skill." Spike looked out the window as the sun dipped below the horizon. The sky was still pink, and they had to wait a few more minutes before leaving. He could feel his hands shaking and rubbed his palms with his thumbs to try to still them. 

Willow took his hands in hers. "We'll be fine. I promise. If it's a vamp, I got my holy water squirt gun, if it's a demon we run like mad, and if it's a person I've got my taser. But in all honestly, we most likely won't have any trouble at all." 

Spike took a deep breath and said, "Holy water, running and a taser. We should be fine. Nothing out there we can't handle." 

"Have I mentioned that I really like your hair like this?" she asked trying to distract him.

"Brown?" he asked.

"Soft," she corrected. "And it grows so fast. Make a girl with thin limp poker straight hair jealous." 

He turned around to face away from her abruptly. "Your hair's fine." 

Willow sighed to herself. He couldn't take a compliment. She reminded herself that she still didn't take compliments well. But Willow had been hoping for better for Spike. Hoped that since it was strangers, and that it only happened the one time, that he'd be strong the way she wished she could be.

"Do we have time to clip it again before we go?" He asked rubbing his hand through the mess on his head. 

"Sure." They'd lose the opportunity to slip in with the janitorial staff, but she'd made him uncomfortable, so it was up to her to make him feel better. "Meet you in the bathroom. I'm just going to grab your comb from the basement." 

When she walked into the bathroom, he seemed calmer already. She supposed giving him those couple extra minutes on an erroneous errand helped him the way she planned. "Forgot you left your comb up here today." 

He cleared his throat and shook out his shoulders. "Time to give me a buzz." 

With a sad smile on her lips she sheared his hair off again. This time she didn't need to be as concerned with not touching him. They touched all the time these days. And not having to keep that distance made the job a lot easier. She considered clipping her hair off as a show of solidarity but decided she'd look ridiculous bald and tossed that idea. She swept the hair off his shoulder and used a wet cloth to wipe off the back of his neck. "Done. Do you need to take a shower?" 

"Nah." He stood up and rubbed at the scar on his face. "We should get going before I lose my nerve." 

"So we've decided no patch?" She asked as she followed him out of the bathroom and down the stairs.

"You said I looked scarier without it." 

"It's the white sightless eye that does it." They were standing in front of the door now. And Willow waited for Spike to make his move. With a slight tremble in his hand he turned the doorknob and let the door swing open. It was a cool dry night. Not surprising since they were book ended by the ocean and a desert. He took one step out into the world and then another. 

Willow closed and locked the door behind them then unlocked the car. It was her parents' car, but at this moment she didn't care about pissing them off. A car was the quickest way to get to campus and back. She knew Spike well enough at this point to know that faster was better for this outing. 

Spike lit a cigarette and rolled down the window a crack for Willow. "How far from the parking lot to the science building?" 

"Not far. Fifty yards or so." 

"I was taken from that campus." 

"I didn't know. That's where the Initiative lives. On campus. Buffy told me that a while ago, but I'd forgotten. We'll be extra quick and careful, but this is the only way to fix you." She crossed mental fingers that it worked. She was only running on a little researched hypothesis. 

"There's no fixing me, pet. I'm broken right proper. There's just helping me function better with what's wrong with me." He rubbed his scar again, then took another drag from his cigarette before ashing out the window. 

"I don't remember not hurting. This weight in my chest, has always been there and I've always wanted to get rid of it. But it's a part of me and I've been working around it for so long that I barely notice that I'm doing it anymore." She turned into the campus parking lot closest to the science building. "I'll help you work around yours too." 

"Ta, love." 

She parked in the far corner where there was the least amount of light, and they slipped out of the vehicle and he followed her to a building that looked like all the other buildings on the campus, brown and tan brick with finials here and there. The door was locked with a keypad. Willow popped the keypad off with a flathead screwdriver then attached some wires to other wires that were attached to a box he didn't understand. A few seconds later there was a click as the door unlocked and let them in. 

Willow detached her equipment and then led him down a few halls until they were in a large lab with huge pieces of equipment. "Stand right here." 

He looked at the machine he was standing next to and shrugged. "Let it rip." 

"Gimme a second and I will." She played with dials and then with a smile she flipped a switch. 

Spike didn't feel a thing. "Was that supposed to do something?" 

She held out her arm. "Pinch me." 

With a look of worried doubt on his face, he pinched her and felt no pain. If he'd thought he hadn't caused her any, that thought disappeared when he saw her wince. "It worked."

"It did. Now let's get out of here before a guard shows up."


	7. Chapter 7

Xander ran a hand down his face. "How could they do that to her?" 

"I told you not to make that phone call." Buffy said as she paced in front of him. 

"I have to help her." 

"Isn't that what got you in the doghouse in the first place?" Buffy asked.

"What if she stayed here?"

"Where would you put her? And Spike for that matter?" Buffy sighed and sat next to Xander.

"I don't care about Spike." 

"But Willow does." Buffy shook her head. "We need to give her space. If she needs anything, she knows she can call and ask." 

Across town, Willow and Spike carried a few boxes and bags into Giles' apartment. She hugged Giles and said, "Thanks for letting us stay here until we can get a place." 

"Of course Willow. I couldn't have you staying someplace with no electric." Giles tried to keep from staring at Spike with his ruined eye and no hair. "But I do only have one guest room. Have the two of you discussed sleeping arrangements?" 

"How big's the bed?" 

"It's a full," Giles replied.

"I'll sleep on the floor," Spike said then he touched Willow's shoulder. "Pet, we have somewhere we need to be, remember?" 

"Right. That thing we need to do." Willow turned toward the door and then back to Giles. "Do you have a spare key? I don't want you to have to wait up or leave the door unlocked for us." 

"Oh, um, I do." Giles dug into a jar of odds and ends until he produced a key. "Here." 

Willow took it and hugged him again. "Thank you." 

Giles placed his arms around Willow and squeezed her warmly. "I'm happy to help." 

Spike walked with stiff shoulders and fists buried in his jeans' pockets. He wore clothes not unlike what he'd worn in the past, black and not too loose or tight. The denim jacket was less threatening before Willow attached some metal spikes to the seams and a huge patch for the Sex Pistols on the back. For this meeting, Willow wore all black as well, only her blouse had a bit of frill to it. But she'd been practicing her magic every day since finding Spike and had gotten good at spells she'd barely been able to pull off before. When she'd used 'thicken' on Buffy, it was a reflex, but that it worked told her that she'd barely tapped into her natural abilities. Tonight would be a test of those abilities. 

"You sure they're going to be there?" she asked as her nerves rattled. 

"They'll be there. You just be ready to do your thing, yeah?" 

"I'm ready." They stopped in front of an old abandoned apartment building. 

Spike rolled his shoulders and jumped a couple times to loosen up. When he was done it was like he became a different person. His nerves disappeared and the confident swagger he'd had when she first saw him returned. The tension in his jaw was the only tell that he wasn't feeling that confidence at all. 

He slammed the door open and walked in with a cocky air about him. Willow followed, moving the way he'd told her to, head high with perfect posture while acting disinterested in her surroundings. Her eyes flitted over the faces of the vampires gathered there. It was a motley crew for sure, but with a little work they'd be presentable. 

"Sunnydale's been lacking in a blood bank," Spike started. "The slayer kills us by the score, and if we want to continue basking in the hellmouth's energy, we need to be smart. No more killing, no more over the top evil schemes that only reduce our numbers. As of now, Sunnydale is a no kill zone."

The crowd of vamps rumbled disapproval, so Willow blew some black dust on them and a half dozen vampires glowed red. They were the problem ones, and Spike dusted them without fanfare. "As I was saying, Sunnydale is a no kill zone. Anyone that has a problem with that answers to me." 

This time the murmurs were subdued and acquiescing. "If we're going to make this work, this place needs cleaned up. We want to offer a clean, respectable place for people to purchase our bites. That means not only does the building need to be clean but so do we. Within the next few days, I'll be purchasing this property. We'll have running water and electricity. So I suggest you get to work making this place presentable." 

One straggly looking vamp stepped forward and asked, "No offense, Spike, but when did you start fearing the slayer? Did she do that to your eye?"

"She didn't do this." Spike rubbed his thumb down the scar on his face. "No, this was done by something much worse than a slayer, and I took care of it, like I will any other problem that comes up. That includes if the slayer becomes one. Now get to work. I want to see progress when I show up here tomorrow night." 

"What do we do while we build a client base?" a female vampire that was the cleanest one there asked. 

"The butcher on Primrose knows the score. Use them."

Willow and Spike left after that, and as soon as they were far enough away, Spike let out a breath. "So that went better than I thought it would."

"It did. And you had me convinced enough to not be afraid even though I was in a room filled to the brim with bloodthirsty killers." Willow smiled before her knees wobbled. "Whoa. I think my nerves are catching up with me now though." 

Spike held her upright until her legs solidified again. "You were perfect. I could tell they weren't sure what to think of you. That'll work in our favor if we want to control them. Does the Watcher know what he's lending you money for?" 

"Um, not exactly." Willow scrunched her face in guilt. "But he didn't ask either. I'll be meeting with the realtor in the morning and hopefully we'll have keys and utilities by the end of the week. Are we really going to live there?" 

"It simples things up." Spike shrugged. "We could offer other services too."

"Such as?"

"Sex, durable subs, security and mercenary services." 

"No kill, remember." Willow said with a stern wave of her finger.

"We'd be picky about the clients. Only kill evil people or demons. If we worked it right, we could get a rep for killing off child molesters and rapists." 

"I'd rather just rip their privates off and let them rot." 

Spike smirked and bumped his shoulder into hers. "We could do that."

"And carve the word rapist on their foreheads. In big block letters." Willow grinned at the thought.

"I like how you think, Red." 

They stopped outside of Giles' apartment and he tugged her arm to keep her from going in right away. "I wanted to thank you, Willow." 

"What for?" She was truly perplexed. 

"You want a list?" His eyebrow raised incredulously. 

"You helped me too." When he shook his head, she put a hand on his arm. "But you did."

"We should, ah, get inside." 

Willow nodded and unlocked the door.


	8. Chapter 8

"Not that this isn't fun, but who are these people?" Buffy asked as she looked at the pile of polaroids in front of her. "Why am I giving them long distance makeovers?"

"Because you're better at fashion than I am." Willow's smile was overly innocent. 

"And I ask again, who are they?" Buffy studied a couple pictures and wrinkled her brow. "Are these vampires?" 

"No!" Willow squeaked. "Just fashion victims." 

"But with the paler and veins?" Buffy knew Willow was lying, but she didn't know why Willow would associate with vampires other than Spike. 

"Fine. Spike and I are running the local vampire operation and making Sunnydale a no kill zone."

"Oh, uh, that's good. But how and why and how and why does that require makeovers?" 

Willow bit her bottom lip trying to find a way to explain things to Buffy. "Well, there's this practice some vampires do so they still have fresh human blood but there aren't any bodies to get them run out of town. And that's to have people, willing donors, pay to be bitten. And we want something better for our clients than a pit of filth and smelly vampires with bad oral hygiene. So makeover." 

"Who the hell would pay to be bitten?" 

"It's a thrill to some. Others use drugs to heighten the experience. But I've been told Orpheus is worse than any other drug out there so we've forbidden its use, but we still allow a few of the less potent derivatives."

"So you're a drug dealing vampire pimp? And I'm supposed to be OK with this?" Buffy dropped the polaroids and stood up to pace. 

"These are consenting adults doing with their bodies what they want to do with them. They aren't hurting anyone."

"What if they turn into addicts?" Buffy asked hands on her hips.

"I'm not selling heroin, it's more like the mystical equivalent of pot. And I'm not selling that either. People bring their own. Spike and I keep the building, take a percentage of each monetary exchange, and keep the vamps in line so they don't kill anyone." 

"Is this why you won't show me your new place? You live with these vampires?" Buffy felt herself getting nauseous. "I shoulda staked Spike when I had the chance."

"You do realize that this is more your fault than it is Spike's, right?" Willow said as her temper flared. "You opened your big mouth to Xander about things that weren't your business or his and got me kicked out of my parents' house. And this way, the local vampires aren't killing the population, so you can concentrate on other things, like school and demons Spike and I don't control. And hey, if you needed we could rally our vamps to help you out if the big bad was big and bad enough." 

"What happens if one of those vampires doesn't play by your rules?" Buffy asked foot tapping.

"I know that's a risk, but so do the clients. And if any of our vamps did kill a person, Spike would torture and kill it as an example to the rest of what not to do." Willow stood up and twisted her hands. "You're acting like I haven't thought this through. But what we're offering is no more or less dangerous than skydiving or whitewater rafting. And a lot less people will die because of what Spike and I are doing. Isn't that enough for you?" 

"But it's wrong." 

"What about it is so wrong?" When Buffy's mouth opened and closed without a word, Willow pressed on, "You don't have any idea why you think it's wrong do you? I can tell you what bothers you though. You're stuck on the prostitution vibe and that it's vampires. That those evils need eradicated is what you're focusing on when you should be grateful that we're offering something that has longer results than staking a couple vamps every few nights." 

"I save people." Buffy's mouth was pressed into a line.

"I'm not saying you don't. I'm saying this will work better at saving people. Spike can turn over any vamp that breaks the rules to you, if that's what you need to be OK with this." 

Buffy grabbed her coat and left Willow alone in Giles' living room. "I have to think." 

"Are you trying to get me killed?" Spike asked as he padded down the stairs. 

"You knew I would tell her eventually. I was hoping if she'd helped with the makeovers it would soften the blow." Willow frowned. "Giles took the news fine, so I don't know what Buffy's problem is."

"Didn't you just tell her what her problem is?" Spike asked as he sat on the couch.

"But I don't know why they're issues. I thought Buffy believed in bodily autonomy the way I did." Willow rested her head on Spike's shoulder. 

"So how far did you get in the makeovers before she shit the bed? Tell me she helped you with Tully."

"She had suggestions for all of them. I can go shopping anytime now."

"Let's wait for dark so I can go with you." Spike kicked his feet up onto the coffee table as he picked up the remote for Giles' television. "In the meantime, Passions is on." 

Willow made funny hand gestures to the television. "Put it on!"

The show had barely started before they were asleep while they leaned on each other. Giles turned the television off and covered them with a blanket. He took his tea out in the garden and found Buffy sitting at the table with a far away look in her eye.

"Buffy?" 

"Huh? Oh, hi, Giles." She smiled weakly at him. "Just thinking." 

"I take it Willow told you about her and Spike's enterprises." He sipped tea as he sat down across from her.

"She told you?"

"They both did. And I believe it would solve a lot of the problems in Sunnydale. Spike's a master vampire and able to control the others without trouble, and Willow keeps him in check. If you can see past your conservatism, you'd recognize the practicality of the idea." He stirred his tea as he spoke then sipped waiting for Buffy to say something. 

"It just feels like I'm allowing the vampires to feed unchecked if I agree to this." 

"You wouldn't be. Yes, the vampires would feed, but there'd be restraints on how they feed. Ones that Willow and Spike will oversee closely. Buffy, short of killing every vampire in Sunnydale, there's no better option."

"I should kill them all."

 

"That's a bit unrealistic, even for a slayer like you." 

"Maybe I'm not working hard enough." 

"Why work harder when you can work smarter?"

Buffy cocked her head to the side. "So you really think this could work?"

"I do." 

"Fine. I'll do this for Willow, but if it goes south help me get her out of it?" 

Giles smiled at Buffy. "I can do that."


	9. Chapter 9

Buffy stood with Willow and Spike in front of their apartment building. The brick and finishings were stately. The windows were tinted and had heavy drapes. Willow wrung her hands together. "OK, remember that we're still working on it. There's a lot left to do cause the utilities were just turned on last week."

"Our vamps know you're coming and are already scared senseless," Spike said. "But they'll behave. They know that being on your good side only helps them." 

"I can't believe I agreed to this." Buffy wiped her palms on her slacks. "How are you paying for all this anyway?"

"Silent partner." Spike quirked an eyebrow at Buffy.

"Giles?"

"Yeah, but we should get in there. I'm sure feeling you standing out here is making them even more nervous." Willow walked up the stairs. 

In the lobby of the building there were at least twenty vampires waiting, shifting from foot to foot and stretching to see over each other to get a glimpse of Buffy. When Buffy smiled nervously at them and waved, whispers erupted. 

"The gang's all here, so let me introduce you to our very own stylist, the slayer." Spike smirked when his favorite chit of the bunch stepped forward. "What is it, Violet?"

"I wanted to thank the slayer for helping us. And I promise I'll do nothing to make you mad at me." Violet stepped back into the crowd when Buffy said nothing right away. 

Buffy looked to Willow then back to Violet. "That's good, Violet. I'm glad to hear it." 

Violet's smile was one hundred percent relief. 

"So out in the car are boxes of clothes courtesy of an extensive shopping trip done by the three of us. If you'd bring the boxes in, we can get started with handing out the clothes." Buffy's mouth was locked into a grin as she nodded stiffly. 

Several vampires went to bring the boxes in. Buffy almost had a coronary when they stripped and changed in front of her after they got their clothes. "Spike?" 

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, slayer. They're playing nice. Now we should work on their makeup skills." Spike shrugged when Buffy stared at him. "What? I used to do Dru's hair and makeup. Most vampire mates do that for each other."

"Some of the guys could use some makeup," Buffy muttered.

"Then have them wear it," Spike said like it was a no brainer. 

After a moment's thought Buffy shrugged. "Why shouldn't the fellas primp as much as the ladies?" 

It was sunrise before Buffy left the building and the vampires behind. Her whole body felt twitchy from having been surrounded by the undead for so long. But all the vampires had been frightened like bunnies, but polite, letting her dress them up and make them up like they were dolls. She taught them the finer points of moisturizer, lessons from an old conversation with Cordelia. Hair and skin care had been a huge topic while Willow lectured the older ones on the need to floss and brush their teeth after every meal. 

Willow and Spike put their vampire brood to bed and retired to their apartment which was the entire top floor. She made sure it was magically sound-proofed before toeing off her shoes. 

"You going to be awake enough for class today?" 

"I never needed much sleep." She shrugged as she opened a textbook then took a seat at the kitchen table. 

"Never needed or learned to live without?" 

She closed her eyes and grimaced. "Spike, I know we have this terrible thing in common, but can we have conversations that don't revolve around sexual assault every once in awhile?"

His head snapped back like she'd hit him. "Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. It's just that talking about it is still really new to me, and I need a break sometimes. I wasn't trying to be mean." 

He sat across from her and studied her face before saying anything. "I feel like I'm going to disappoint you, or hurt you, and I don't know how to not do that. I don't have a soul like you do. You always know when to stop or change the topic or distract me. You have this thing inside you that lets you do that. I don't." 

"Do you want one?" 

"Someday, maybe. But this is hard enough without having all the guilt I've piled up adding to my constant fight to not stake myself."

Willow put her hand on Spike's. "I understand. But let me know if you change your mind, cause if there's any spell I know, it's the soul restoration spell." 

"Surprised you didn't do it without asking." 

"I wouldn't do that to you." Willow smirked. "Hey, why don't you make me pancakes like you promised?" 

He smiled at her. "I can do that." 

Willow returned to her schoolwork while he cooked. She was whistling, and a moment later he started singing the song. "We all have a face we hide away forever…"

By the time Spike was whistling the last bits, the first wave of pancakes were ready, but he made the whole bowl of batter and put the leftovers in the refrigerator. He watched her eat with a small smile on his face. All he wanted in the world right now was to be worthy of his best friend. He scratched his scar and frowned, regretting what he'd done to himself. But when Willow glanced up and smiled brightly at him, a smile that crinkled the edges of her eyes, he knew it didn't matter what he looked like, she wouldn't leave him. Until she died. 

The idea of walking in this world without her troubled him. He loved her like she was his sister. She was his family more than Angelus, Drusilla, and Darla had ever been. How was he going to stand by and watch her die? 

"What's with the long face?" Willow asked as she saw Spike's expression reach thunderstorm levels of dark. 

"Sorry, love, was just thinking." He turned around and busied himself cleaning up the mess he'd made. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he washed the dishes, making enough noise to disguise his anguish from her. So when she touched his back, he jumped, and the pan flew out of his hand cracking the plaster of the wall near the door. 

"Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"What's wrong? And don't lie, you've never been able to lie to me." 

"Contemplating mortality."

"But you're immortal." 

"You're not though." He couldn't look at her so he focused on drying his hands. 

"Oh. Oooh." Willow stepped back in fear and his heart shattered. "I don't want to be a vampire." 

"I know. But I can't stop thinking how you wouldn't care about that once you were one." He turned away from her and pressed his hands against the counter, lifting his shoulders. "And I'm fighting myself here. Fighting the need I have to keep you just the way you are for the rest of time with not wanting to do something to you against your will. That's the side that's winning, but I'm terrified that it won't one day." 

"Well, what else can cause immortality?" 

"Don't know." 

"Maybe we should find out?" 

He turned to her. "Do you mean that? You'd do that for me?"

"I'm saying we'll look and see what's out there. But it's a big step, and I don't want to make a decision like that on a whim."

Spike let his body unclench. "I can live with that."


	10. Chapter 10

"I'm worried that the Initiative will find our happy little home." Spike knocked Willow's feet off the coffee table to get past her and sit. 

Willow nodded and put her feet back up her nerves visible in the tenseness of her shoulders. "They almost got Violet last night. We should put up some protection barriers. It won't help our little lions when they're outside, but I could mask this place from the Initiative. They wouldn't be able to see it. However the wording of the spell I'm thinking of would make it so no authority figure could see it, which is half our clientele, so more research." 

"I'd have gone after them if they'd taken Violet. She's a spot of sunshine." 

"That's because she's eternally twelve years old and has a crush on you." 

"No, she doesn't." 

"Spike, I see the way she looks at you and how she knows you'll never touch her like that. I suspect she'll be leaving our ranks soon rather than pine for you this close but so far at the same time."

"Tully still bothering you?" Spike asked changing the subject to something that didn't make him vaguely nauseous.

"We've worked something out. That bullet to the head is still an issue even fifty years later. He seems a bit slow, but his instincts are always spot on. And he loves working on the renovations. Did you know he was an architect before he was turned?" Willow poked her box of noodles with her chopsticks. 

"No, I didn't." Spike picked a dumpling up with his fingers and popped it in his mouth. "Explains why things are shaping up so nicely downstairs. That bullet must not have done as much damage as you think." 

"Maybe. The third floor should be finished tomorrow. That'll allow for the option of bedrooms, and the basement was finished this morning allowing for scenes. Both should put us over the edge of income to start paying Giles back." 

"He hasn't said anything to me." 

"Me either, but I love him like family and refuse to screw him over." 

"But can we afford your next semester at school?" He stole her cup of soda for a swig. "Needs vodka." 

"You think everything needs vodka, and we can afford for me to go part time."

"That's not good enough. Giles can wait." 

"I'm not arguing with you about this. The bank account is in my name so I'll do what I want." She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Not if I tell ol' Rupes what you're doing." 

"Stubborn vampire." She grumbled into her food carton. 

"You know you love me." 

"Like a fungus." Her smile was teasing.

"I'm good fungi." 

Willow set her food down and turned to look at him with her most serious expression in place. "There's something we need to talk about." 

"What's the matter?"

"Some of the guys have been talking. Turns out a demon saw what happened to you and a few of our guys got told. They're doubting your ability to take care of any problems that might arise. They're really worried about your ability to protect them from the Initiative." 

Spike cleared his throat and turned his face away. "That's unfortunate. And I can't think of a single thing I could do that would change their minds. Not without upsetting you." 

"What would you do if you didn't have to worry about me?" 

"Rally the troops and take those bastards out once and for all. This lot would be capable if I enlisted some Fyarls." Spike shrugged. "We'd lose some, sure, but overall we'd be better off. Why even ask me though?" 

"Because I think they took a friend of mine. Someone I was hoping could be more than a friend."

"They took Tara? Are you sure?" 

"No, and I have no proof other than she wasn't in class today." 

"Sun set twenty minutes ago. Want me to walk you to her dorm?" 

"I don't want you anywhere near campus with the Initiative still out there. Unless we've got our own army, it's too risky. What if you couldn't get away this time?" Willow rested her chin on his propped up knee. "Can't lose you." 

"Maybe the boys are right. I can't protect them." 

"That's not true."

"It's what you just said." Spike shook his head as he stood up and walked away. 

Willow took a deep breath and chided herself for making him feel inadequate. That's not what she wanted, not by a long shot. She found him in her library, flipping through the book that had been on her desk. "Make the arrangements." 

"What arrangements?" He didn't take his eyes off the book.

"To start our offensive on the Initiative. Gather our best and brightest and start planning. I'll see what I can find out from Buffy's boyfriend and check on Tara." Willow met his gaze with steady eyes. "I'm not kidding. If we're going to do this, then we have to be all in and protect our vampires and people." 

"You are quite the human." 

Willow shrugged. "So I've been told." 

Her first stop was Tara's, and she found the witch's room empty with signs of a struggle and remnants of a spell on the floor. That was all the proof she needed, so she made her way to the frat house where Riley lived, hoping to do some recon. What she found was Buffy returning with a bunch of commandos from a patrol. 

"Hey, Buffy." 

"Will! Whatcha doing here?" Buffy waved the guys off as she bounced over to Willow.

"Looking for you. Tara's missing." 

"She might just be busy."

"Her room looks like a firefight happened in it. I'm really worried."

Buffy's face fell slowly with realization. "Tara's a witch." 

"She is. And so am I."

"Professor Walsh said the other day she wanted to learn more about the magical side of things." Buffy's eyes widened. "What if she goes about that the same way they study demons?" 

"Think you can find out?"

"I'm on it." Buffy turned and then turned again. "I almost forgot, Oz came by Giles' today looking for you." 

"Oz? He's back?" 

"Yeah. If you need me…"

"No, go find out if the Initiative has Tara. I'm sure Oz is at Devon's." Willow had no plans on seeking Oz out. If her friendship with Spike told her anything, it was that no one even really knew who she was. And if Oz couldn't love her enough to not leave before, he surely couldn't love her enough now.


	11. Chapter 11

Spike was standing between the door to the building and Oz when he saw Willow walking up with that resolved and determined expression she got when she was on one of her missions out of the corner of his eye. He'd stopped trying to get Oz to leave and in the last two minutes they'd fallen into a silent staring match. 

When Willow noticed and paused her march toward home, Spike growled at Oz. "You upset her and I will hunt you down and you'll beg for me to end your existence." 

"Oz." Willow's jaw jumped when she clipped the word off. 

"Hey. I asked around and found out you were staying here with a bunch of vampires. I didn't believe it, but here we are." His hands were balled up fists at his side. 

"It's complicated, but I'm safe. And right now I don't have time to talk to you." Willow walked past Oz, taking Spike's hand as she passed him and dragged him into the building. "Don't let him in," she ordered Tully with a stern look toward Oz.

Inside, Spike crossed his arms over his chest. "How bad is it?" 

"I'm almost positive that the Initiative took Tara. Buffy's going to find out for sure and let us know. How goes the planning here?" Willow bit at her bottom lip as she listened to him detail out how many demons they had on their side. 

"These blokes are pissing off everyone. I even recruited a couple witches that overheard me signing up a volgeroth. They've had a few in their coven go missing, so I'm sorry to say, I think they got your girl too." Spike scratched at his scar. "What are you going to do about the wolf?"

"Nothing to do. He's the past." Willow's eyes got bright. "I think I know what to do about the Initiative without piling up a ton of dead bodies we won't be able to cover up and Buffy won't be able to ignore."

"Do tell."

By then most of the vampires in their nest had gathered. "We don't want to start a war with the slayer," Violet said. "But she's been helping those army guys."

"She does her best to steer them away from us," Willow said before squaring her shoulders. "What if we got Riley on our side? Showed him that there are plenty of demons and vampires and witches that can behave themselves and even that some are useful members of society. If we can get him, then he can stealthily recruit others. Dissention in the ranks would muck up their plans for sure, and we'd gain some useful spies."

Spike sucked in his cheeks and nodded his head. "Spies that could help us take them out without the high body count."

"We could trojan horse them," Violet said with a shake of her head. "The only plans any of us came up with were violent. But this, if we can pull it off, it would be the best way to cut the head off the snake." 

"This would require a lot of risks on our part though," Willow said. "It means inviting some of them here to see how good we are. That we don't pose a threat. They'd know where we live." Willow frowned. "But maybe we can work around that. Haden? Is that building still for rent on the lower east side?" 

"The sign's still up," he said. "Would this be a branch of our operation or a temporary move?"

"Temporary kinda move unless it works. We make it look like we live there, while we gain recruits, but most of us will always safely be here." Willow met Spike's gaze to see if he liked the idea.

"Can we afford it?" 

"I can take a semester off. This is worth that." Willow pointed at her face.

Spike rolled his eye and nodded. "Fine. But then you're back in uni."

"No problem big brother. I can't wait. I wish we could just skip ahead to when we've already dismantled a misguided and dangerous government agency to when I can go to school without being worried that they'll kidnap me to do experiments." She smiled sweetly at him.

"Cheeky brat."

She stuck her tongue out at him. And the other vampires chuckled and there were a few whispers of "whipped," going around.

"None of that now!" Spike warned them. "She's kept us alive and got the slayer seal of approval on our operation. She's more than earned all our respect." 

A snarl echoed through the lobby that no vampire could have ever made. It was Oz, biting and scratching his way through. When he saw Willow he howled before launching through the air. Spike grabbed the wolf's hind legs but not before his jaws clamped down, tearing her skin and breaking her arm. 

Willow screamed and broke into frantic sobbing and gasping. The vampires not injured pinned Oz down and looked to Spike for what to do next. "Throw him in one of the cages downstairs."

Moments later Spike carried Willow out of the building and tossed her into the car to get her to the ER. 

Everything was a blur to him as he swept her into the emergency department and they tried to take her from him. This was his little sister and he couldn't let her go. But the nurse talking to him right in his face got him to let go when she said, "She'll die if you don't let us treat her."

Seconds after she was out of his arms, his fist punched through the vending machine glass bringing security. His vamp face dropped into place and they backed up before he forced himself to calm down and then knowing that Willow would be upset by his display, he mumbled a sorry to the men and women before going to the register and saying, "They took my friend back. She gave me this notebook in case of emergency. What do I need to fill out?"


	12. Chapter 12

What was with all the noise? It felt a million miles away but Willow knew it belonged to the shadows flowing in and out of the light blurring her vision, until they blotted out that light completely.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep. 

"Spike?" Willow asked as she tried to decide if opening her eyes was a good idea. She tried to reach her hand out but something was wrong. It hurt, but it didn't feel like she'd gotten it to do what she'd wanted. 

"Right here, love," Spike sat forward in his chair on her other side and took her hand, her only hand. "There's something you should know."

But Willow's eyes were open now. The white gauze wrapped tight over the stump of her forearm fascinated her. "When's the next full moon?"

"Three nights." Spike hated that she wouldn't look away from the missing hand. "If I'm right on what type of wolf Oz is…"

"It'll grow back." Willow already had already done the research when Oz first got turned. But her hand growing back might not be great for them. "But people will notice. I won't be able to keep this secret. And our plan...."

"Got some good news for you though pet. Slayer found your girl." Spike had to give her the good news. "The military bugaboos didn't get much chance to hurt her. A couple bruises, sure, but she's fine and should be back in here shortly."

Willow pulled forward almost to sitting out of sheer shock. "Tara's here?"

"Down the hall at the candy machine." He helped her finish sitting up and offered a brilliant smile. "It's all the farther she'll go." 

Unable to keep it in, Willow threw her arms around Spike's neck, tears of relief and joy washing down her face. "Thank you."

Spike laughed through his own tears. "Wasn't me. Buffy needed to work out her anger and when I wouldn't let her at Oz. She rescued Tara. The kiddies at home may have helped a bit too." 

She pulled away. "But our plan?" 

"A bit singed but we can still work it." Spike heard Tara just outside the door and stood up. "I'm going to call your pals. Let them know it only took you two days to wake, so they can stop the betting pool and pay up."

"Two days?" Willow asked as Spike kissed her forehead, but then her eyes fell on Tara and the days lost meant nothing. "Tara…"

Tara rushed to wrap Willow in her arms while Spike lingered for a second before disappearing to use the phone at the nurse's station to call Buffy.

The gang all there left Spike worried that he'd be on the outside looking in on something he'd never have. Lurking in the doorway, he watched as Buffy presented his witch with all kinds of fluff. Literal fluff in the form of housecoats and slippers and such. Giles, however, brought gifts of a more mystical variety: crystals and herbs that promoted healing and eased pain. When Xander finally got Willow's attention, Spike knew that his place in Willow's life had ended. 

Willow smiled brightly at her erstwhile best friend, "Hey, Xan?"

"Yeah, Will?" 

"Could you check on the kids to make sure they haven't killed the dog? Spike's not gonna get the chance before I get out of here." Her good hand reached to Spike. "I need him here."

When Xander opened his mouth to protest, Buffy hurried him out of the room and Spike whispered the exchange between the Slayer and the human garbage shoot to Willow. "Buffy's scolding him about not having the right to be indignant, and he needed a definition on what that meant. Oh, the Slayer just admitted to have been wrong and working to make it up to you and that if he knew what was good for him he'd do the same." Spike snorted. "I think the wanker's crying. Yup, blubbering so much can't understand anything else."

For a moment Willow considered calling Xander back in, but after years of handling him and putting up with his crap without thinking about it, she decided he needed this lesson or he'd never learn to respect her or any woman in his life.

"Hmmm, I didn't think he knew how to blubber." 

The vampire laughed as he squeezed onto the hospital bed next to Willow, pulling his best friend against his chest as he presented her with the hospital menu. "Let's see if we can find anything here that won't make your taste buds run for the hills."

Tara smacked Spike playfully. "That's my seat." 

Seeing only one solution, Spike snagged the blonde witch around the waist and planted her at the seam where he and Willow met. "Then come here and help Red out. She might still be too groggy to navigate a menu as horrendous as this." 

Cut out of the small world of the threesome squished onto the hospital bed, Buffy turned to Giles who nodded her out into the hall. 

"How would you feel about assisting me in threatening the hospital staff?"

"Huh?" Buffy's jaw dropped and she stared at Giles in confusion.

"Willow's hand. She'll have it back in a couple days, but no one can know it was ever missing if the plan Spike and her put into place is ever going to work." Giles glanced around to be sure they were still out of earshot of anyone.

Buffy straightened at the explanation. "You know what? I feel amazingly good about threatening some of the hospital staff." At Giles' half disapproving mouth quirk, Buffy shrugged. "I mean that it gives me something to do. I hate waiting and reacting. I'm more a proactive type a gal, ya know?"

"Ah, well, yes." His smile stuttered at Buffy for a moment then his demeanor changed whole-cloth into a disturbing twist between the tweed-clad librarian and the ticking time bomb bad magic teen and the smile changed to menacing. "Let's be proactive."

A surprisingly comforting chill ran up Buffy's spine. "Lead the way."


End file.
